staysilent | But now your dreams are catching my eye

But now your dreams are catching my eye

Who: Teo & Faust (to start)
Where: Dream man in the Dream land
When: Mid September
What: Dream crashing

Early morning sunlight breaks through in beams that warm every spot they touch. He feels that warmth on him, drawing out a shiver as he blinks his eyes open the faintest bit. He watches the dust dance in the air, glitter like the golden twin of fine silver snow. Voices fill the air, faint but as warm as the sunlight. There's clinking dishes and pouring coffee. He can smell it, heady and strong, and the lighter scents of fresh baking and frying food, the sweet and savory intermingling. Makes him hungry.

The thought startles him into sitting straight up, his arms unfolding off the table and bracing there. His pulse gives a stutter and his breath kicks up faster. There are people. They yawn and they smile and chatter and sit in quiet company or work around and behind the counter. Nobody looks at him. His hands slap up to his face and he feels skin. He feels it on both sides.

Jolting, he scrambles up, drawing looks and complaints from guests he pays no mind to. He looks for the first reflective thing, some metallic saucer that warps his reflection, but even still... even still...

He draws back. He stares around at the diner in wonder, each new little thing outside and within himself inspiring awe. He moves for the door, the light so bright he can't even see through it, but it doesn't hurt. He pushes through.

And then, just like that, he plunges into water.

He surfaces with a gasp and a shiver, clambering up onto some sort of rock that doesn't even fully break the water's surface. There are more stretching out before him into a world all sea and night. He glances back, then to the world before him, before starting outwards. Hop to one rock, hop to another, his poor boots suffer so mu--

He smacks hard into something solid, thought glancing up he can't tell entirely what it is. It doesn't look like anything save for the fog. But then, the fog thins. He sees a figure and he feels his heart give another jump.

"FAUST!" He shouts it and doesn't even cough. His hand goes up, waving rapidly. "FAUST, OVER HERE! FAUST!"

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His brow furrows as he stares up at the sky. He tries to think. He's sure he's said before that he couldn't remember, but he tries again.

"Twenty... something..." That's vague. He knows it. "I... The space between, after everything fell apart, before I got bit. That's the hardest to remember. I don't know how much time passed. I don't think I kept track very well before that." It's all such a blur, really. It blends and bleeds together, with very little to mark the dates in place. "I think it's been a year or two. Just going off how things have grown. And I was old enough to drink. So, it would have to be older than twenty-one. Probably a couple years older."

He nods to himself. That seems right. Something close. Of course all this meandering over his age lets him procrastinate on answering that other question.

He says quietly, "I just think, once they see me, they won't wait. I don't see people giving me a chance to explain. Not like you did. It's so hard to contain things like this. Even if I don't attack, there's so many ways I could accidentally infect someone. Shooting first is the safest thing to do. People who hesitate get killed. People in these kinds of worlds... they don't get to be nice. They have to be cruel or they get hurt."

He looks over, turning a sad smile at Faust.

"Don't get in trouble for me. Even if it's nice knowing you'd want to try."

He knows he's mentioned he doesn't know how old he is, but not if he could remember how old he was before he was bitten... and he's been remembering more now and then, so it can't hurt to try and push him to keep doing that. So, somewhere over twenty one...

"...I can't remember exactly how old I was, at my execution." He hasn't directly spoken of what actually happened, but he knows Teo already put together the bigger pieces, between what he has told him and the nightmare he saw. He knows Alec tried to kill him. The fire crackles, throwing off some extra sparks. "But it must have been around that... younger than you, I think. Young enough still to find living for hundreds of years daunting."

An innocent fear, before he knew what was in store for him...

That sad smile makes him more mildly irritated than anything, especially when paired with that request.

"Do you really think getting in trouble with the humans of this world is something that concerns me? I'm fine cooperating with their requests of us for our mutual survival, but I don't care to blindly do as I'm told, or tolerate unnecessary cruelty."

It's been easy to assume that he hasn't got it as bad as a kid would. But, hearing that Faust was burned even younger than himself, he feels a knot in his guts. He wants to reach over. That's too young. Younger than himself is too young to be hurt.

"...It's sick. What they did to you. It was evil."

He's tried to defend humanity from Faust's blanket hatred, but what happened, what those involved did, it makes his chest burn with anger. It makes him want to protest against the universe that it's not fair. But there's nothing he can do.

The anger and sorrow smooth out of his face. He shakes his head.

"It's not going to be like that. If it even happens. These aren't the same people. It wouldn't be something to hurt me, it would just be what they had to do to keep an infection under control. One-shot, I bet wouldn't even feel it." He really, really wants to reach out. "I'm going to try not to be caught. And... if I do and they don't kill me, then... having you at my back would be really cool. But you don't need to bother if it's too late. Okay?"

Edited 2021-09-24 01:37 (UTC)

"..."

He's right. What Alec did was sick and wrong, no matter what justifications he and his human advisors may have claimed to have. And yet, the world went on outside of his hiding place as if such an injustice had never happened... and Alec...

He sits down in the grass beside Teo, the flames of the fire receding slightly, throwing that much less of a glow.

"It was shortly after the revolution was won, that I was arrested on suspicion of treason... maybe I wasn't willing to believe it at the time, but that's the way humans see wizards- as a threat waiting to happen. Even though we fought side by side for the same ideals..."

His hands tighten into fists over his knees. The fireflies are gone.

"I could have run away. Lennox came to help me escape... but I refused. I was sure that he- that Alec... wouldn't go through with any of it. I was sure that if I didn't try to fight or run, he'd see that he could still trust me... the way I trusted him... and so I went willingly to the stake."

He gazes into the fire, the anger of being betrayed and the despair of being abandoned despite his unwavering faith knotted too tightly together in his chest to ever untangle. The anger is easier to fall back on, but not always. Not right now.

"I know you sympathize with them, but you don't owe these people anything, if they decide to kill you for their own self-preservation. Let them assume what they want... you don't have to fight back, but you can run. It's fine to run away..."

The world is as much an indication of Faust's mood as Faust himself. The fire dims, the fireflies leave them, and Faust is down low at his side.

His eyes widen with what Faust says. Somehow, for all the talk of war, he hadn't imagined one with purpose. But the Faust he saw, smiling bright with long hair, that was a Faust that had joined a revolution. That lead...

He bites his lip, keeping himself from interrupting Faust's confession with his own stupid awe. It wouldn't be appreciated.

Alec. That is the name of the one who hurt Faust. He tucks that away too.

"... I'll try. I'll get as far as I can." He says it softly, the kind of quiet he usually is. He realizes as he says it that it would break his heart. He'd be alone again. He wouldn't even be able to look for what he lost. There'd be no goal but to live and hunt and the thought makes his heart squeeze with fear and despair. But he'd try...

He hesitates a moment, then he shifts about and reaches. He lays his hand over Faust's, loose in contrast to the white-knuckled grip.

"He was your friend. He gave you hope, a reason to think there was a chance. To stop trusting, after all that. It's too hard. How do you tell yourself that everything was a lie? I couldn't do it. You shouldn't have had to try."

He can't even listen when Faust tells him he's not to be trusted. If Faust, in some weird alternate universe, were to trick him, he wouldn't believe it even after it was all over. He draws his hand back, and goes to hug his knees close to himself, looking into the fire too.

"A guy like that... I don't get it. I don't get how someone could meet you and not feel... so grateful."

Edited 2021-09-24 23:54 (UTC)

"..."

He just nods once in acknowledgment. There's no need to say anything further, when it's only a hypothetical scenario anyway... but at the very least, he can feel a little better making sure that Teo wouldn't just let himself be killed for reasons like that.

His hand twitches and he looks over when he feels Teo's cover it. It's the sort of physical comfort he knows he'd be too afraid to offer when he's awake... but despite wanting to appreciate that, what he says makes his grip that much tighter. The fire wavers and flickers in a sudden brief wind, nearly going out entirely, but it burns on.

He has to tell himself it was a lie, whether he can believe it or not. To believe that all of it was real... means it was really that easy to start a revolution with him by his side, then decide he was worthless. To fight for humans and wizards to live together, only to decide at the end that the wizards don't matter after all... if he'd really believed in that ideal he'd sparked, then why did he change? Why...?

He's had too much time to drown in that despair. Chasing that why only ever leads him further into the dark, of finding ways to blame himself for why Alec lost faith in him.

Teo's hand withdraws, and he misses it as much as it felt undeserved in the first place. He remembers when touch like that was simple and easy to come by... not something he's had no access to- and avoided- for so long that being given the smallest touch can leave him both wistful and discomforted.

And then he just comes out and says something like that... his heart aches.

"...I've had centuries to agonize over it, but I'll never know what he was really thinking. Not back then, and not when he was sitting in his ill-gotten castle, hoping that I'd return one day..."

His hands finally relax, but just so he can cross his arms. There's more bite to his next words, though it's tired.

"But in the end, it doesn't matter. Nothing he could have to say would have made me forgive him."

...He sighs, bowing his head.

"...This is all ancient history for a human like you. I'm not who I was back then... I don't know why you'd be grateful to know me like this, when there's little more than hatred left..."

Of course, it was a lie. It had to be a lie, he thinks. What other reason would there be, to go friend to murderer? What could justify that? How else would it make sense? But, to have that sort of bond, to believe in it, and then to try and shift perspective all at once, no, he doesn't see how Faust would've managed that.

And, naturally, he didn't it. It took pain. It took time.

He looks back at Faust, his expression a mix of disbelief and revulsion as he blurts, "He hoped you'd come back? After he tried to kill you?! And he murdered your friends?! What, so he could do it again?"

Faust can't answer that. He realizes that fast enough. But still, he has to shake his head.

"Screw that. He doesn't deserve your forgiveness. He deserves a punch in the teeth." He deserves worse, but he doesn't want to be like that.

He blows a breath through his teeth. Faust being like that isn't new anymore, not surprising, but of course, he still can't leave it be.

"It's not ancient history though. You're here, right now. Alive and still affected by all of that." And really, that's not surprising either. "Who you were is still a part of who you are. The path he took is the one you took, everything that happened to lead you here... And there's still a lot of good in you, whether you see it or not. A lot more than hatred. You would probably brush it all off. That's what you usually do. But you're kind. And... the fact that you can still be kind, despite everything, how you feel... it's really amazing."

He definitely can't answer that, and it's just painful to hear because he wants to know why, too. He shouldn't want to. He should just assume Teo is right, or he was just being egotistical... that's what it has to be. Because he can't hope for anything else. He can't hope for anything at all.

Of course Teo won't let what he said about himself lie, either... calling him kind again too, to top it off. It doesn't feel amazing. It feels like a weakness. An open invitation for him to suffer all over again... because if he admits it's kindness, that means admitting to caring.

Even if Teo can see right through him now, he's still not going to tell him he's right.

"...There's nothing amazing about me. Maybe back then I'd have reluctantly accepted such praise, but I'm a shut-in who makes curses for a living... I don't need any kind words or encouragement..."

So, yeah, he's brushing it all off.

"...I ended up talking about the past too much again... so I'm sorry for that. That's not what I brought you here for..."

There's a rustling in the grass beside Teo. If he looks over, he'll see the face of a cute white cat looking up at him.

He laughs and shakes his head. Faust is always going to be like this, huh? Even with the dismissal he still loops around to apologizing. The man is ridiculous.

He's going to say something when he hears that rustling all too close. He jerks, though more in the clumsy human way than how he would have in the real world. Part of him curses himself for that. If there were a threat, he and Faust would be dead.

But it's not a threat. It's a cat. It's a snowy white cat that looks at him curiously, not hissing, not darting away. He stares back frozen for a moment. Then, slowly, hesitantly, he reaches out. The cat steps forward and bumps its head to his hand. A faint noise slips from him. The cat makes its own noises of approval, and he turns his hand over to properly apply some scritches. His throat feels tight, even as he smiles.

"You're... my friend." He's not speaking to the cat. Even if he isn't facing Faust. "Even if you weren't an incredible person, that alone would be amazing. You looked at me, saw what I was, and you didn't hurt me. You didn't lock me out. You've always given me a place to go, even though it's a pain for you. Whatever the problem is, whoever's having it, you're there to help. You're smart and brave. And of course, you've got the magic which is really cool. But you're a lot more than that too. I see all the things you do- the things you always say are just basic decency, even though no one else thought of it. I wish I could've met someone like you back home, after I'd woken up. I wish I could've known there'd be someone out there who'd... who'd understand me. Even if sometimes we have to have a stupid fight to get there."

He pauses in petting the cat. His breath shudders. He scrubs at his face.

"You might not think you need to hear it, but you don't realize the difference this is for me. I need to say it. I need to... to make it clear... that I really, really mean it. I'm grateful. There's nothing to be sorry for."

Faust looks over when he jerks, but very nearly smiles when he sees him petting the cat. Almost. This is better, letting Teo enjoy these small nicer bits of his memories rather than weighing him down any further with his past...

...But he's clearly intent on not dropping this particular subject... and it's so sincere that he can't even speak at first, feeling a twinge of guilt when he rubs at his face.

A black cat comes up out of the grass beside Faust, looking up at him, and after some hesitation he reaches out to pet it. It mews and climbs easily into his lap, rubbing against him before yawning, curling up and getting cozy. He rests his hand gently on it and feels some tightness he wasn't fully aware of in his chest ease, just a little.

"...You really do give me too much credit... but I can't refuse your gratitude when you're that earnest about it. Your attempts to help me can be clumsy, and I never asked you to... I try to leave when I get angry and you react like I'm never going to come back..."

Not that he can't hold a grudge. But it's also easy for him to run away and hide rather than deal with his feelings in the moment. This is the second time Teo has chased him down with some outburst as if he's going to hate him forever and disappear if he doesn't stop him... as if that's something he's deeply afraid of...

"...But you're the one who's kind. Even if you have your own goals, you're always thinking about what you can do for others... you chose to keep living and moving forward, to find reasons to smile and laugh when it would be easy to let the despair consume you... you call that selfish, yet you endure those cravings every day, and you're ready to forfeit your chances the moment you hurt anyone. I may have magic, but I don't have the kind of strength you do."

He slowly pets the cat purring in his lap.

"...I just try to make living that way a little easier for you. Though I know I've made it harder at times, too... even if you say I have nothing to be sorry for." He sighs, looking up to gaze at the flames again. "I don't know if I'll end up regretting any of this... but it's not like I have my own future to worry about."

The gratitude is accepted. For a moment he grins like he's won some grand prize. Then that slips, his mouth pressing because Faust is right. He does act like, if he loses him, that will be it. It's more than just being some desperate creature. It's even more than the fact that Faust is hurt and never wanted to deal with him in the first place, every moment like this is an extended gift. It's something in him, something deeper that insists, if he screws up it's over.

He doesn't know why that is. He doesn't know if knowing would help him or make things worse. All he knows is that chancing it feels too risky.

He could turn Faust's words back on him. He could say those are all things he has to do, to survive, to live with himself. He could point out that just by existing he's a threat to everyone's safety without even trying.

He won't, he decides. He won't throw it in his face. Even if they're hard to accept. He'll just... hold them. And maybe one day he can take them in. But, the last word still gets a soft laugh and a shake of his head.

"You've got plenty of future. You worry about it all the time, making sure your friends are ready for the apocalypse-- the calamity. You worry about being hurt because you'll have to live with it." He scritches a little under the cat's chin, revelling in the purrs that start up. "But I hope you don't regret it. I hope it can mean... even a little bit to you of what does it to me."

If things are harder sometimes, then it's still worth it. He draws the cat in, closer to himself. The purrs get him grinning again.

"Aah, I like this place," He says with a laugh. "It's not nearly as lonely as I thought it'd be." It helps that he's not alone here.

"...It's their futures I'm worried about." Teo's included, however much of one he can manage to find. But the kids' especially...

"...It's different when you're alone here, but even then the spirits can be noisy... not that a human would notice. At least, not until it's too late." hey Faust what does that mean-

"I wasn't thinking about where I was going when I first came here... I hid in the hollow of a tree and waited to turn to stone. I was sure I wouldn't survive... but the spirits and land here are full of life and energy, and my wounds began to heal instead. Depending on how you look at it, I suppose it was the best place I could have found myself in..."

He looks up at the sky, where the Great Calamity hangs, ever-present. The cat in his lap stirs, getting up to paw around his lap before putting its paws on his chest to bump its head up against his chin. He looks back down, his startled chuckle and grin brief but real, and his expression stays a little softer. He gets back to giving the cat the pets it's now demanding from him.

"...Being chosen after hiding away here for centuries felt like like fate was playing a cruel trick on me... but I don't yet regret where it has led me. Whether or not it's only a matter of time..."

He glances over at Teo.

"I don't regret meeting you. If anything... having someone to talk to has helped keep me from falling too far into old habits."

He's not surprised by that initial protest, grinning wry but saying nothing. He's a lot more surprised by the ominous comment that follows, making him look a little bit alarmed. He opens his mouth to ask, then closes it as Faust continues.

He looks at Faust and, for a moment, he can see it. He can see that young version of him. He can see the burns. He's seen enough burned bodies to know how it looks. He can see the man-- the boy at the time-- curling up small. It feels like a pressure on his chest. It feels like suffocating.

But that can't be true because he watches Faust's face light up under the cats insistent pawing and his breath is there to be taken. He stares, heart pounding in his chest. And then Faust looks over and his gaze darts away. His cheeks warm and he hopes that it's not visible in the dark. The cat in his own lap looks up at him as though judging his foolishness and his stilled hand alike.

"I'm- I'm really glad." His smile feels strange. "I'm happy to talk to you. But, you knew that."

Teo looked away, but he seems to be smiling... he still has mixed feelings on being a source of happiness for Teo at all, much less someone he values so much as a friend... but he doesn't feel as much of that instinctive urge to push back and force him to keep his distance.

It's still there, though. Just softer.

"Don't get the wrong idea... I still prefer being alone. But having you around from time to time isn't so bad... and if it makes you happy, that's good too..."

Despite his attempt to be a little more standoffish, he's faintly smiling again as the cat climbs off his lap to flop on its back, allowing him to rub its belly. At least until he seems to realize he's doing that in plain sight, and he draws his hand back to cough slightly and get back to being aloof.

"...For now, I think I should let you get back to your own dreams. I'm not sure if you can wake until your soul returns."

He just hopes he didn't leave him with a nightmare to return to...

The small bit of tempering to the tender moment actually helps. It makes him laugh. Don't get the wrong idea. It makes it easier to shove whatever all that was down a bit.

The cat reclaims Faust's attention and he can safely look back at Faust. He smiles warmly, fondly, feeling a giddiness that he doesn't think he's had in all his weird unlife so far.

"Oh. Right. Wandering soul thing. Man, that's so weird to think about." These are their souls. That is... wow.

He moves, lifting the little cat from his lap and placing it in Faust's vacated one. Pet the cats, you fool. He rises up to stand.

"Uh... I'm not sure where the way out is. Could you maybe just... will me out, or something?"

For all the ups and downs that these dreams have had, the thought of waking is a little disappointing. But none of this is actually real... he shouldn't get too used to having his all of his magic and creature comforts at his fingertips again.

Teo is real, though. At least, it's either that or this has been an extremely convincing dreamscape. He'll likely find out soon enough.

The other cat gets plopped in his lap and he looks mildly offended and embarrassed, without actually doing anything about it.

"Oi..."

And he still pets both cats, who are happy enough to crawl about on his lap seeking out his hands. He'll only have so much time to enjoy this. He makes a slight face at the idea of willing Teo out, though. He probably could, but that feels like kicking him out, and he's basically a guest here.

"I'm not going to just throw you out... here. Satillquinart Mullcreed."

His mirror appears and shines a beam of light through the trees; when it fades, a clear path has formed between them, lit by floating orbs of dimly glowing yellow light.

"That should lead you out... probably." Look, even he's new to this, even if he can generally use magic as a baseline to figure it out.

That "Probably" combined with the previous aborted tale of ghosts leaves him a touch uncertain. Just a little bit.

Still, he smiles back at Faust, "If not, then I guess I'll see you tonight."

Unless Faust doesn't return immediately. What would happen if his soul continued to stray from his body? Would it simply get up without him?

"So long, Faust. And thank you."

He starts for the path, walking down it, guided by floating lights that make him think, if this was the path every dead person saw, it would be much easier to follow it. He walks into the fairytale woods, away from the wicked wizard with his own secret heart. It's through the trees that he eventually finds that vast ocean again. He steps over stones, stopping before that gap in the path and the fog ahead.

He hesitates, his smile fallen away. No more dreams. Time to wake up. Time to say goodbye to his pulse and his voice and trade them up for hunger and aching. Maybe he doesn't have to. Maybe he could stay-- no. No... It's time. He draws one last shuddering breath. Then, he jumps forward into the fog.

Dead eyes fly open in the darkness of a hood and goggles.

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But now your dreams are catching my eye

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